How I'm Getting My Spark Back ✨

Because somewhere between productivity, pressure, and distraction, we lost touch with what it means to simply feel

I’ve had an incredibly exciting year so far: I got engaged to the love of my life. We moved in together. My business is thriving. We’re starting to look for a home. I turned 30.

Honestly, I carry such a deep sense of gratitude for this season of my life.

And yet, over the last four months or so, I’ve quietly felt myself slipping into something I didn’t expect - disconnection; flatness; a dull drape hanging in the background of my days.

It’s been confusing, even shameful at times, to feel emotionally heavy when everything around you is so light.

People ask, “Are you on cloud nine? Isn’t this the happiest time of your life?” And I want to say yes. In many ways, I am. It is. Intellectually, I know I’m happy. I know I’m living a life I once prayed for.

But emotionally? There’s been a gap I couldn’t explain.

I’ve been through hard chapters before - seasons marked by grief, loss, uncertainty, trauma. In those times, numbness made sense; it was a natural response to pain. But when life is objectively good and your heart still feels muted, it creates a quiet ache that’s hard to admit out loud.

I noticed it most clearly this summer. I was surrounded by mountains, flowers, cows, the works and I kept waiting for that familiar spark of aliveness of wonder, awe, full-bodied glee. something... But it never came.

The same thing began happening in other moments - celebrations, travel, coffee dates. They were meaningful, but I felt slightly outside of them, like I was watching my own life instead of fully living it.

I knew I wasn’t unhappy. I was just having a hard time accessing my happiness. I could see the light inside me flickering - proof that it was still there - but it remained distant, too faint to fully step into.

Then on my birthday, my fiancé gave me a bracelet with three words engraved inside…really important words I’ve been trying to live by. I won’t share them here (they’re just for us 🤍) but when I read them, something cracked open. For the first time in a long time, I felt. I felt seen, remembered, true all at once. And it was also reminder of how much I wasn’t living by the words. The tears came before I could stop them.

That moment brought me back to myself and made me realize with absolute certainty that something was off in how I was relating to my life right now.

So I’ve spent this first two weeks of my 30s in quiet reflection - trying to understand where I drifted, what I’ve been carrying, and what needs to shift so I can come home to myself again. So I can feel again.

If you’ve felt this too - like your spark has dimmed or your joy feels muted, even in a season that looks beautiful on paper - you’re not alone. And maybe, just maybe, it isn’t that your life needs a dramatic overhaul, but that you’ve drifted from yourself, from the way you relate to your own life - from meaning, from presence, from the quiet rituals that keep your heart alive.

So here is how I’m on the journey to get my spark back ✨

1. Stop Pointing Outward