Weight, Metabolism, and Esteem

Sunday Sanctuary #23 - how to tell if you're at the "right" weight, issues with the "slow metabolism" conversation, and where esteem and self-worth comes in

Gals, the “weight” convo is one I generally try to stay away from

As a dietitian, it’s easy for people to assume my focus is solely on weight management. I’m frequently asked:

• “Do you come up with meal plans?”
• “Will you tell me how many calories to eat?”
• “I really just want to lose those last 5 lbs… can you help?”

My answer is always the same:

When we focus on supporting our health and respecting our body —through balanced nutrition, movement, quality sleep, and stress management—our body naturally finds its ideal weight.

This is the foundation of my philosophy at Roots to Leaves.

Now with that, weight is super complex, individualized, and often rooted in many emotions.

And in that same vain, I also completely understand the desire to have a smaller body too.

In a society that prizes thinness, it’s normal to want to feel “valuable” and “desirable.”

and, since research also shows that excess fat tissue can hinder health, there’s a case for weight loss too.

So, how do we balance shifting the focus from the scale to our health while still navigating a world that values appearance?

How can be find ways to boost our confidence while also accepting our desires?

Is there a way to lose weight that does not add extra stress or burden and is it even “okay” to want this?

As someone who has her own weight and body esteem challenges, felt it was time to dive into the stickiness of this convo

Here’s what you can expect in today’s Sunday Sanctuary:

🕊️ Personal Musings: my journey with weight and the intersection with esteem

☕️ Understanding: what does metabolism really mean; where do calories come in; and what might be impacting weight

🕯️ Recommending: 4 steps to support your relationship to your body and weight

🙏🏼 The Action Step: a journal prompt to bring out where we really land on this topic

pst: girlies - a little disclaimer

This article explores weight, metabolism, and our relationship with food and body image. While I aim to approach these topics with nuance, this is not medical advice and should not replace professional support. If you are currently struggling with an eating disorder, please know that you are not alone. I encourage you to reach out to a trusted therapist, registered dietitian (hi, feel free to email me if you need more references), or a support line for guidance that is specific to you.

Your health is about so much more than weight, and you deserve support, safety, and kindness in this journey. 💛

Like so many women, I have struggled with poor self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and disordered eating.

There were years when I tried to make my body smaller, believing that it was the key to being desirable, wanted, worthy.

Not realizing that it was just a distraction from everything else that needed my attention

And after years of hard, deep-in-it work, I turned to my boyfriend not too long ago and almost without thought said:

"It’s funny… I don’t even really think about how my body looks anymore."

And then I laughed. And then I gave myself a little energetic hug 🤗

Because yyyeeesssh did that moment feel huge.

Healing is never linear

It’s complex. It’s emotional. It’s rarely what you expect.

When it comes to body image or breaking free from diet culture, It’s not as simple as “just eat more” or “learn to love yourself!”

It’s unlearning. It’s rewiring. It’s years of untangling belief systems that never really belonged to us in the first place.

And for transparency—I want to acknowledge my privilege in this conversation.

Genetically, I’m predisposed to a smaller frame. My mom, sister, grandmother—we all have petite builds. I know that existing in a body that society deems “acceptable” makes certain parts of this journey different for me than for others.

But that doesn’t mean I was immune to the struggles of body fixation.

The "why" behind it all

My body image struggles really started at 15.

Why? Well, let’s look at the timeline:
✔️ I started receiving male attention
✔️ I was being bullied at school
✔️ Family dynamics were shifting
✔️ My sense of self felt completely unsteady

Suddenly, my body became the thing that gave me a sense of desirability and validation that I was lacking in other areas of my life.

And looking back, I just want to scoop up 15-year-old me and hold her tight 🥹 Because I see it now:

• When the world around you feels chaotic, controlling food feels safe

• When your worth feels tied to external validation, making yourself “more desirable” feels necessary

• When you feel powerless, controlling aspects of yourself and your life feels like power

Even though my actual weight never fluctuated much, the control and mindshare around this topic was always there.

The conflict: when health becomes a disguise

I care about health.

And yet, there was a time when I felt my values around health be in conflict with the actions I was taking around health

and that inner ego/shadow/protector voice would come in, convincing me that skipping meals, over-exercising, and using coffee as an appetite suppressant were healthy choices.

I told myself:

⛔️I ’m just being disciplined. Other people are lazy/just making excuses

😒 I just *like* eating lighter

💢 I feel better when I intermittent fast

erm, no - none of them were true.

The truth:

• I was overriding my body’s cues.

• I was betraying my own values.

• I was going for restriction over respect.

• I was distracting myself from the real work I had to do

And if I know anything, it’s that there are women reading this right now who get it.

Who know exactly what it’s like to:
➝ Negotiate with yourself before every meal.
➝ Feel guilty for eating something “off-plan.”
➝ Have your mood dictated by how your body looks that day.

And because I know this so intimately, I also won’t go into the specific details of what my journey looked like—because I also know how easily those details can become comparisons, fuel insecurities, or spark new fixations.

And that’s not what this is about because honestly,

It was never about my body.

** pppssst. it never is people**

because even when my body no longer felt like it took center stage and the food restriction ceased up, the insecurities and fixation didn’t magically disappear.

Instead, they just morphed into something else.

• Suddenly, I was obsessing over my lips being too thin.

• my hair not being straight or thick enough

• needing clearest most pore-less skin that ever existed

• wishing my face was more angular

See the pattern?

Because the issue was never my body. The issue was my inability to accept myself as I am.

And that doesn’t go away with fewer calories, more gym sessions or expensive facials or new beauty treatments.

That’s inner work. That’s unlearning. That’s a reclamation.

Now again, it is okay to want to work towards a healthier, more confident, version of you. It is okay to have goals around your health/body/food/exercise.

Contrary to some of the narratives we see online, I don’t believe that every aspect of that is just a product of “disordered eating” or “diet culture”

So before we get into the conversation around metabolism, weight, and calories, I want to invite you to pause to see where you land on the below:

Take a breath.

And ask yourself:

What would it feel like to radically love and accept myself as I am?

Do I have hesitations or “buts” coming up?

If that *thing* never went away (the last few pounds, the acne, the crooked smile, etc), would I really want to spend the rest of my life chasing that fix or trying to make myself different? Or would there be away to find peace and neutrality with this part of me?

What would it look like if I stopped outsourcing your worth to numbers, sizes, or reflections in the mirror?

Because true health isn’t just about the body—it’s about the relationship you have with it.

And that? That’s where the real healing begins.

The Real Deal with Weight & Metabolism

Honestly—it’s not simple.

It’s far more than just “calories in, calories out” or the so-called perfect BMI. And it’s way more complex than we can even fully unpack in one post.

Our bodies are intricate, dynamic systems, and reducing them to simple arithmetic can do more harm than good.

But we can at least open up the can of worms - starting with the basics.

Metabolism: It’s Not Just a Numbers Game